Why Oh why....

Okay,
I don't know why I do this, but I do it with such vigor and then I proceed to feel like crap afterwards...That is eat shit that is very obviously fattening and not helping my weightloss-mindedness... I think it's turning into a mind freakiness sort of thing now... There could be a number of reasons why I am stuffing my face today, here's to name a few

1. I have missed a poorly thought out deadline at work and am now scrambling to get all the pieces together
2. My family is slowly starting to head back to the UK and my Mom has been cooking all of my FAVORITE italian dishes
3. I am nervous about tonight (the ex-monster has organized the tot's birthday party, and she always makes my skin crawl) At least right now she does. I haven't had any interaction with her since we've been married but it's plain to see that we're avoiding each other. Right now, I am missing the "pizza party" which I can certainly do without, but would make the Tot happy if I attended....
4. My best friend just had a baby and I haven't been able to talk to her...I feel like the hubby is getting annoyed with me...Oh the aggrivation...

Okay, that's it. I think I've pinned down that single derailing feeling...I think it's the ex-monster. She always makes me feel a little strange, but I guess the power that she has is all that I am allowing her to have over me..I know this, why don't I act on it? I have never sat in a movie theater with her and the honey at the same time, and I am not really looking forward to it tonight. I know I will be inspected, scrutinized and evaluated. I hate that...And somehow I eat..Call it nerves..I can't wait for tomorrow, when I can roll out of bed at any hour I please and have two whole days to not worry about deadlines, birthday partites, weddings, or anything else but the honey and me...