Grumble grumble...

It all started with the stupid door last night. He insisted on keeping it wide open and I wanted it cracked...I argued that the light was in my eyes, as I have this weird need to be in complete blackness when I sleep. I argued anyway, knowing what it would progress into...And it did...It got mean, and resulted in hurt feelings. Sometimes I am just horrifically controlling and need things to be done in a certain way. See, I have so many evening rituals that if something is thrown off track I can't sleep. I am really starting to wonder if I really do have OCD. This would explain so many of my ridiculous needs to do things in a certain way. But I also have this small problem of not being able to let go of things.
I don't understand how some women do it. I just hang on and must dominate...It's awful. It's this thing that is devouring..I guess if I was a competitve athlete it might work out in my favor but as a soon-to-be-wife and step-monster it's not helping the greater good...
Which got me to thinking, actually FinnyKnit's blog got me to thinking about this. I am horribly off balance right now...I am lacking somewhere and I can't identify exactly what or where this hostility is coming from, until this morning....
It dawned on me that I spend a huge amount of time with the honey and tot, and well..work...In all this craziness that is my life, I have yet again stumbled on this little golden nugget..I need to spend more time alone...I need to reclaim myself...In a world where work is so important, where scavenging for meals that will feed my family a close second, I find that "me" gets lost in the shuffle...
I have a few events coming up that I am excited about that I think will help me reclaim my me-ness..Here is my Plan "A" Tomorrow night I am going to a princess house party...what that is I don't really know, I just know that I will get to visit with an old friend from high school that I haven't seen in over 10 years.. Then this weekend, if the gods should bestow us with riches, I will have the opportunity to claim a townhouse for us to live in. This will be done with the honey out of town and the tot with his mom, the ex-monster. And then, as if a dirty joke was played on me, the Sunday that follows is Easter..Okay, I will give up SOME time to spend with the fam..God only knows that I owe a lot to them.
Plan "B" a stand in could do my job at the home purchasing stuff (family member) and I would head off to Tahoe with the honey and some other friends to attend a long awaited wedding of some friends of ours...I don't know really I am up for either plan, but I do definitely see a need for some alone time in all this. I wonder if I would have a chance to take a nice nature walk in Tahoe? The people that we'd stay with (my friend) might think it a little odd..I don't know....
This rain certainly isn't helping matters at all.....I feel blue and down. I don't know why, I guess I just yearn for some sunlight, longer than a half days worth, to lift up my mood.
It's a lot of things. the wedding stress is getting to me, just having that little cloud above my head is bothering me, I just need to get stuff done, but can't seem to find the extra hours in the day.
I am still also contracting for my last job, which is also getting to be too much...

Oh crap, I am late for a meeting....
Gotta run..