Another business week....

Ugh I am here again. I thought surely by now I'd be on my way to my new place of employment. I still haven't heard from them officially...Tonight is my Nonna's rosary, and tomorrow morning is her funeral. I bet they will call me on Wednesday and make me an offer, wouldn't that be strange? I won't be here tomorrow at least. I don't know why, I am just dreading working right now, and dealing with the people I work with. I hate being on the spot and scrutinized for my degree of saddness..They will inspect me, assess the seriousness of it all, and then start piling on the work. I really don't want to immerse myself in this bullshit today.

I finished knitting a scarf I started over a year ago, it's nice very theraputic actually I forgot how much I like to knit and make things..

I hosted a family dinner the other night (Saturday) that was fun I made lasagna that is going to last us for days, I also have enough tiramisu to feed an army. The cooking and visiting with my sister / family was such a nice distraction from everything. Now that she is gone, it's like the hard reality of it all is starting to hit me...Nonna is really gone, my sister and brother-in-law have really gone back to the UK. And I have to deal with myself again. My feelings, my saddness. I have to be here working... You see my family is uniquely close. We're so reliant on each other. I got to show my sister my wedding dress, that was a big thing for me, I forget how much I love that dress. I try it on and I instantly feel happy. Its like a drug...I also have dreaded working out, I don't know why. It was such a joy to me, I almost always looked forward to it...I have been eating a lot more and can feel myself hanging onto the extra calories. I have to be stern though, I am planning to look very good for my wedding, so that means I have to have discipline made of steel these next few months...No more dilly-dallying around with my food and workouts.

I have only been here a half hour and feel like it's been ten years. I hope this day goes fast....