To contract, or not to contract....

So I've been toying with the idea of being a full time contractor. For some reason, this option (if I were to take it at Cisco) kind of quells my fears about committing to a place that I might be unhappy at. Also, this will give me some time to get a grip on the job situation at Apple. Seeing that I might need to hang out for a while longer...I mean, if the pay is good, and I am working on my own terms, why not? I feel better about this. More hopeful. Like I am accepting an opportunity, but not closing all the doors. This might actually work out for me...

I made an apple pie tonight. I must say, I f-ing rocked it. It was sooo good. I watched "The Secret" today. And for some reason, it always urges me to do what I love to do, and that is cook. I haven't picked up the sewing book in a while. I am scared to f-up my fleece mittens. I've got the hat nailed down, but man the mittens are killing me.

I am peeling like crazy. That's what I get for going to the beach last week and literally getting toasted all day. :D It was good for me, I never do stuff like that and I really needed to let go. It was pretty funny, here I am running around in my bikini around gals I used to work with. It was great. I surprised myself in the fact that I was okay with this. Normally my harsh inner critic doesn't show any skin, if I can avoid it. But after a few fuzzy navels and glass of wine in cheap plastic cups, I kicked inhibition to the curb. I must say, I am proud of myself for handling my feelings the way I have been. I have ups and downs, but today, they've been more up. I get depressed sometimes, but now I know what to do when I start to get scared. I think it's made me closer to my husband too. I can see the need now for more harmony in our lives. Now, more than ever it's been really important for me to feel close to him. Sometimes though, I am just not there 100%. I don't know why, I think I am just caught up in the "what is going to happen with my life next?" moment...I ran yesterday, that was good. I am glad I went, it lifted my spirits and my heart rate, which I desperately needed.

I am getting tired. (first time this week, that I am tired before 12 or 1) so I am going to jump at the chance to hit the hay a little earlier.

nighty night.