100th post!! I was a RenFaire Nerd

Yes, I was. I am proud of it too. Seems like I've had quite a few stints in clubs where I try to fit in (Last year's Wildflower - which oddly had a similar ren-fairish feeling about it) and discover new parts of myself.

Today at lunch time, while devouring my salad, alone in my car, because everyone on earth was bugging me, I bit into a green olive that somehow transported me to August of 1995. Strangely enough, it was a very pivotal time in my life, where I had been out of high school for a year, I had just enrolled in junior college, and was trying to figure out what made my heart tick. I was getting to know myself outside the "High School" stigma. I learned how passionate I really was about the arts, and theater, and somehow managed to meet some very interesting people. My friend, and later boyfriend at the time, and I made our way to Novato, Ca for something like 9 consecutive weekends to go play and act and be complete nerds. We did go our own ways as I auditioned for the Guild of Santa Maria, where I was to play the role of a commissioned artist for the Medici family, and he, went to some peasant guild, wore dirty clothes and hung out with scantily clothed wenches at a make-shift well sort of area.

For weeks, my friend Shawnie (aka Isabella) and I slaved over my mom's old sewing machine, and managed to produce what felt like about 100 pounds worth of a beautiful brocade, and deep red dress. It came with a shift, undergarments that were completely period, ribbons, large puffy sleeves and a lacy sort of thing that I wore on my head. I fell in love with the costume, the dust of the faire, the funny people I met, and the not so funny and unsavory people I met as well.

Being as shy as I was, I had a much harder time interacting with patrons, and screaming about making a fool of myself in front of everyone and their mothers. But still it was so much fun. I met a slew of people that were dorks just like me. We hung out as a group for a few events, balls (aka Gaskals) and the Charles Dickens faire in SF during Christmas time, but after that we all just sort of grew up, got married, and drifted apart. From what I understand, they're all still pretty close, I was just a random person that floated in and out of their lives. It was fun, exciting, a little scary. It was an event that meant a lot to me. At the time I didn't realize the memories it would produce in later years. It's something I think of with fondness. Those memories somehow managed to find their way into my heart and onto this blog, marking yet one more pivotal moment for me, my 100th post!

(FYI, I am going to hunt down some photos if I can find them)

Simon

I am so sad today. I found out that a good friend of mine died yesterday. His name was Simon. He was only 40. He fought and beat lung cancer. That's the part that's so hard to believe, it was in remission! It was pneumonia that killed him. He got sick, and his health was so fragile that his body just couldn't fight back. It's my understanding that this is far to common with patients that have undergone Chemo...

The world has lost such an amazing person. He was a wonderful engineer, a sweet friend, and such a good soul. He really was uppity, and never let things get him down. In fact, in not wanting to worry anyone around him, no one knew he actually HAD lung cancer until he was in the very late stages of it.

My heart hurts for his family. His older brother from Canada came to get him. I can't believe I will never see or talk to Simon again. It was just yesterday that Hubby, and I were with him at Orignial Joes. He and I went back to our house and he fell asleep on my couch, while I went to bed. I trusted him so much. I can almost hear his laughter, and his funny French accent. He was my hubby's good friend. And I worry about how hubby is handling this. He doesn't share much of how he's feeling with me, but I know he's hurting.

May God bless Simon. The world has lost an amazing individual.
He will be greatly missed.

An Ode to The Past

I see you on the screen
giggling and laughing at things that I see.

I see your old life, much to your despair
I see how you were,
not completely there.

I saw how you stood aside
and let others do the work
I see how you felt, a little awkward
and not so much alert.

I felt a lingering sadness
as I watched snippets of your life,
I saw you new and strange, in your role as the first wife.
I can almost empathize, a little hiccup in my heart,
with why it might've been difficult for you or even a little hard.

Although you're not entirely
scott-free of all the blame
you played your role
like a bluffing player
in a riveting poker game.

I don't really care, for your method or your manner.
I am much more subtle and sweeter with the banter.

I love them with my heart,
Now I fully see,
that I'm better suited,
between you and me,
to play the Mommy-wife part.

I just feel sad for you.
For all that you were,
and how feebly you've pulled through.
As a member of my sex, I almost want to give you a hand
but deep inside my soul,
I know it's me you cannot stand.